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Ugh..  So everything has been good.
     Went to Jeanettes last night for a lil bit. Her husband was cranky and trying to go to sleep since I guess he had to get up at 4am. yuck. It was nice having some girl time even though Kevin was there hanging out with her son. Train him good!
      So anyway. I have been bleeding through out the day. And I have been pretty stressed out about it. I called my doctor and talked to a nurse who said if it gets to be bright red or I have some pain to head to the ER. Sooo I am hoping and praying that everything is ok. I just want tonight to fly by and tomorrow to be here and things be better. I really can't think about anything else right now Im going to drive myself insane..



    So, Its been like 3 weeks now since I've been sicker than hell. I have this annoying cold that Im pretty sure turned into bronchitus. I can't sleep more than a few hours at a time. When I cough I lose my breathe. My dad called yesterday and was like "oh you probably have asthma, it runs in the family sorry" ok yeah I already was diagnosed with asthmatic bronchitus in 9th grade... Of course its no biggie for everyone else cuz they dont have a kid living inside them sucking every bit of life out of them. I'm tired of coughing myself awake at 6ish every day but whatever I guess its great practice for when the baby comes!
  I think I'm over the shitty bad mood I was in a few times last week. Most likely hormones but those things really are getting on my last nerve!
  For the most part things are alright. Kevins blood work came back normal and so did his EEG. So the doc said that they have to do a spinal tap on him soon. No date yet because the doctors are strange... And he has an MRI on december 1st to see if the "mass" in his brain has changed. soo.. more waiting..
  For the most part I am very boring. so I will end this boring fest now..


I fucking hate my life.

I may as well just be pregnant alone. At least I won't get fucking yelled at. Whatever

I'm sick of being sick and tired. My fucking uterus hurts and I don't know why.

Did I mention how bad I hate my life right now. .. ..  I'm about ready to fucking explode.  

the bambino

11 weeks 5 days

Long time no update

      So.. I totally suck at keeping this thing updated. I don't recall the last time I even did a journal update. My bad.
      Where do I start. Kevin has had lots of doctor appointments to figure out what is going on in his head. The doctor on thursday showed us what the mass in his head looked like and explained the areas of the brain. He said its in the white part which isn't extremely bad and his age and all the mass could be benign. So he has another MRI next month to see if anything has changed yet.
      Monday was the baby doctor day also and the first part went good when I meet with my doctor. Kevins mom came this time too since we had other appointments to do that day and Kev lucked out and didn't have to go to st. margarets later he just kinda fit himself in to be seen.
We got to hear the heart beat . It was 158, I wasn't even expecting to hear it this time but its a welcome surprise. Then of course the ultrasound people were running the classic 45 to an hour late... grr. So we went to the cafeteria to grub and then finally got called back. The baby was bouncing all around in there. It was almost like it was using me for a trampoline or something. It was measuring 11 weeks and 5 days. So I suppose its good that its ahead of schedule. It finally stayed still or took a nap and the ultrasound tech told me to cough and she ended up having to call another tech in to do the measurments for the NT scan. So she poked my belly for awhile till the little one decided to lay the right way.
    Yesterday was Danielles wedding. I don't even know how I made it. I felt like death and the cold decided to just kick my ass. thanks. We went to the church and watched her get married. We took pictures and all that good stuff. It was freezing out and I'm glad my dress still fit. It felt more tight than it did before. Who knows the boobfairy stopped by.
    Friday night we hung out at Brian and Kates which was nice because I had a rather trying day and it was nice to hang out with real friends. We had a fire outside and it was nice but I really don't think it was a swell idea it just made me getting a cold worse. We got to meet their dog Sidney.

well im tired of typing now..
ten four!

day number 3 of no sleep

           Hello...   Good  Morning.
           Well. I tried sleeping last night.. and like I had an intuition it wouldn't happen. It didn't . I even took half a trazadone. Nothing. Before I get yelled at. I already asked my doctor about it. She said I could also use Benedril (sp) but I wasnt getting in the car at 2 am and driving to Giant Eagle. I could barley walk to the bathroom without getting winded..
           Anywho. Kev didn't sleep for shit either. So today will be interesting. I haven't went slap happy yet... but today will be the day this happens. I can already feel it. Weh..
           Its another crappy day . Its supposed to rain and storm later but almost go to 70. wow.

till later


Never a dull moment

This has been the most stressful last few days. I don't know how the hell I held it together. I feel like part of me has to just let some shit out. Like cry , scream. I really don't know. I figured maybe this would help. and for the rest of this i dont give a fuck about punctuation spelling or grammer mistakes.
 so i dont even know where i should start... so how about friday morning. it was a normal morning for the most part. Kev and me were just waking up watching tv and he kept twitching funny. this has happened before. he said it happens sometimes when he takes too much of his tramadol over a short period of time.. im assuming hes a responsible adult and knows how to take the medication correctly. he does but everyone doubles up on med when they feel like shit. tramadol is a non controlled narcotic used to help pain, it also includes an SSRI which is a seretonin inhibitor.. so it kinda makes you a lil happy i suppose. he had shoulder surgery last thursday and has also been taking percocet. he ran out, got more. since i guess he thought he could stretch out those by taking the tramadol. well i dont know if his surgeon was just not paying attention to the paper work or the phone interview before hand or what meds they talked about before the surgery. all this i heard so im not hallucinating. So short of it all he had a really fucked up reaction. he just started twitching more and like threw himself back and had a seizure. i freaked out. called 911. thank god he didnt chew his tounge off or choke or stop breathing. i thought he was dead. i dont know. i dont know how the hell i went though that day. it was like i was going thru the motions of life.
hes alright now but its like impossible to sleep. i cant get the images out of my head. im constantly worried about him. i feel like his mom and i feel like im pissing him off by always checking on him. hes my first kid and im just waiting on the second now.
I thought for sure i would start bleeding or something. im surprised i didnt piss myself. i think im starting to get some nerves back now. who knows. i cleaned the house since then. i did everything but laundry. when im a nervous wreck i just start doing stupid shit to keep my mind off of whatever is bothering me.
ok now i can breathe....
so at least i have the divorce papers filed so some time like January 22nd or something I can get married finally and not "have a baby out of wed-lock"
Kevs parents are super old school. they wernt happy about this baby since were not married. and no it wasnt planned. i wasnt supposed to get prego so we never used anything. well except for the first month. im not a hooker. but now that all this paperwork is going thru the system they are alot happier. I just love judgemental people. im not one of them. i dont have a closed minded.
i havent had the easiest life. ive been thru shit and somehow made it this far. i got off topic. oh well. well. the laptop is dying so im going to finish this later.

so much for posting daily..

I was productive today!

         Today I slept in wayyyy too late. Like 12. Thats sooo not like me at all but we were up till almost 2 I think. I probably needed the rest anyway. I read in the prego book that you should listen to your body! So I did.
         I had the most vivid yet weird dream last night. It took place in the house that I grew up in. We wernt even really ready for the baby yet but we had its room done but not all the gear I should say. So we were at the hospital and I ended up having the most cute little girl ever. She had light hair and bright blue eyes. So we end up getting home by a helicopter ? and when we got home like our families were all there and everyone was fighting over who was going to hold the baby first. then i woke up. pheww.. But it would be nice to give birth soon. Even thought im not due till May. I just feel like this is going to be a longggg process. I heard it goes faster in the 2nd trimester so theres hope.
        So today is 9 weeks 4 days and counting. I hope everything is still going smooth down there. I cant wait till the 11 week u/s . I cant wait to see how big the lil one is getting. Im super excited to find out what it is. Im hoping that will happen on the 15 week u/s. Then i can spread the good news and start shopping and doing the baby registry and all that happy jazz.
         After I got myself up, went through all the junk emails on my phone and facebook junk I ate some pizza . Weird yes but it was technically after lunch. I did the laundry yesterday and took out the trash. I was getting more trash ready today when i realized there wasn't that much and Kev had to remind me that I did it yesterday and then he laughed. Im not used to having him home but he does have to recover from his shoulder surgery. I did more dishes, Organized, dusted, vaccumed in detail, fed the rabbit and played with him and now im showered and ready for the day.
         For the I dont even remember what day it would be now. Were supposed to meet up with Tom my stupid ex husband to be at his mothers to sign these papers at 7:30. Its ridiculous. These are the 4th set of effing papers we went through. I did my part and had everything signed every effing time. Im so good at it i can get it done in like 3 minutes. Its not my problem he doesnt want to get married to his girlfriend the mother of his child and she has one one the way. Hes torturing me and dragging me through the dirt wasting my time. Plus I do want to get married to my boyfriend. We were talking about it before I was even pregnant but it would be nice to get married before the lil one is here. And 3 months for the paper work to be done that would be the end of January were looking at. But im not holding my breath because this asshole never comes through. He tells everyone what they want to hear and doesnt do shit. Hes burned every bridge in Pa thats why he has to go back to Ga. Soon hes going to just have to find diffrent states till he fucks up everything there. Some people deserve to be beat.. anyway im done venting..

well im going to ten four


weekend wrapup

       This weekend was a pretty good one. Kevin is sore from his surgery so hes taking pain pills so hes a lil dopey. But its all good. Ive been trying to help out as much as I can. I made breakfast and dinner both days. So im being a good house wife .
       Today I ran to giant eagle to get some stuff so Kev could make the buffalo chicken dip for the game and I got yougurt so i can make smoothies so. Ive been drinking V8 splash so I can get the veggie intake I need. Im really trying to eat good and be a good mom! So we had Mike over to watch the game. I made ham and Kevs dad brought over scollped potatoes and the little table with 2 chairs. So now its starting to look like adults look here. Im kinda really glad we didnt end up getting a glass table at ikea. The table is cute and round and it can be smaller. Its perfect even for when the lil one comes. Im going to have to get new end tables and a coffee table thats not glass. Im thinking something from ikea and black. to go with everything else thats black glass and silver.
        Today is 9 weeks and 3 days. Yay. oh and that constipation thing I have been dealing with the past 3 days is finally over. it was like a week of backup all together. It sucked. I was so bloated and uncomfortable it wasn't even funny. Im going to try and eat super good so this shit doesnt happen again. Im not down with backup... anyho

later taters

ow dammit!

Man oh man,
     It seems like no matter what i do i cant ever get this stupid sciatic nerve to stop hurting. I woke up to pee this morning and i was on my back. It was comfy for the top of my back but hurt my left butt cheek. I walk with a limp because the pain is so bad. It almost makes me lose my breathe. God.
     I really didnt feel so morning sick today so this is a good thing. Kev and I slept in today and that was also nice. He came home early from work in a really upset mood. I hate to see him like that but thats why im here to listen and help. Tomorrow kev has shoulder surgery at 9. If they have to cut muscles it might take up to 6 months for him to recover. Im going to be taking care of him for a long time and spending like 24/7 with each other. Im so used to having my me time. It will be a good thing. Im glad that Kev can get this all done now sooner than later because he is in so much pain and they wouldnt give him anything for his pain before hand.
     Hopefully Kev will be around when the baby starts moving. I think that would be an awesome experience for both of us. I cant wait till that day im going to be so excited. Im going to be an idiot and be on the phone to everyone about it. Im glad that were both excited about this baby. Its actually bringing us closer and i didnt think we could get any closer.

ten - four   over and out